because of you

i hate myself for losing you...

today officially they're gone, hoe mun and derek. they're off to wmu. well, rather somehow i would miss having those two around.

with the fact that they're leaving make me think more. what will happen when i leave?

my parents would be here. though i know they will fly over as often as possible with the fact my sister is there with two lil boys and me, the youngest and most untrustworthy person to take care of the two lil boys. my parents somehow still worries about me a lot. they say i am mature and stuff and they say they can let me go off easily but it's not true. i know they are worried about me all the time cause maybe somehow they know i am wild though i could be pretty mature. hehe

as for my friends, how could i leave them behind? jaime, wai ling, siew yen, tien tien, tze san (those are from ipoh). what about my ausmat gang? they have been there for me most of the time when i needed them. even though we're all busy with our life, but they really appear at the right time when i needed them the most. love you guys!!!!

everyone's been teasing me about ben lately. he is really a nice guy. he sms me everyday just to check and see if i'm alright. but i am not too sure if i am ready for a relationship. in a relationship there is commitment. i'll be leaving in a year's time. i know, a lot of things can happen but will i be daring enough to give it a try? i am not too sure about it either. what will happen if i actually start with him and when i leave what will happen to us? i dont't really want a LDR cause i don't wanna be like them, derek and elsie and even ivone and seet. sigh....conplications...


Artist: Human nature
Song: Don't Say Goodbye
Album:


How can I go on
When I know I gave it all?
Have I given too much?
Something inside your heart is pushing me aside
And it seems so un-you baby
But it's so hard on me

What is it I'm seeing in your eyes?
The story that I'm reading says goodbye

Tell me baby where did we go wrong?
How did we lose a love so strong?
What can I say to make things right?
Baby hold on, don't leave tonight
There's no reason why this part of us should die
Don't say goodbye

Searching for answers
But they're all so hard to find
'Cause I'm still loving you, baby
Oh, are youi still loving me?

Baby, don't you turn and close the door
Is it you don't love me anymore

Tell me baby where did we go wrong?
How did we lose a love so strong?
What can I say to make things right?
Baby hold on, don't leave tonight
There's no reason why this part of us should die
Don't say goodbye

Don't leave me now
All alone
Don't break me down
'Cause I'm not that strong
I need your love to carry on

Tell me baby where did we go wrong?
How did we lose a love so strong?
What can I say to make things right?
Baby hold on, don't leave tonight
There's no reason why this part of us should die
Don't say goodbye

Tell me baby where did we go wrong?
How did we lose a love so strong?
What can I say to make things right?
Baby hold on, don't leave tonight
There's no reason why this part of us should die
Don't say goodbye

There's no reason why this part of us should die
Don't say goodbye
(Don't say goodbye)

can't smile without you

seeing chi hoong in that emotional gets me emotional as well. kept on thinking back when my friend, andrew passed away when we were 17. i miss him badly. it's not that he was my close friend. but seeing him leaving this world at such young age makes me cry.

far away....it's all a distance apart now.

"you can say what you want but it won't change my mind, i feel the same about you."

got screwed by my sister today. i mean literally... she was asking why am i still in kl when i'm suppose to be back in ipoh? gave her a long explanation about me joining the spirit of kl to win 10k. and she was wondering what it is. never mind, telling her that it's like amazing race will be good enough.

just finish my exams and guess what i'm doin? reading up kl. need tos tudy about kl now. pretty boring and pretty interesting at the same time. crap. but i need to remember what i read.

contradictions? aren't we humans good in it? you hate something so badly but at the same time you want it so badly. isn't life interesting?

there's a thin line between hate and love. i agree with that statement. you hate someone but you love that someone deeply inside. the more you say you hate that person, in fact the more you love him. the more you think of that person, which proves the more you wanna see that person. so, in conclusion, do not hate nor love someone. hehe

sigh, been reading too much magazines lately. i guess i just copy and paste a lot of info from the magazines and what they say about people and life and love.

"wouldn't it be nice if we were older? then we wouldn't have to wait for so long"

watched 50 first dates again the other day. pretty interesting though/.... if only a guy would wait for a girl so patiently... i mean reality....

being emo and all does not help. it makes me feel horrible and stuff.... guess just need some time off alone....

Emotional state

wohoo, at last, it's over. finals i am done with it. council...erm, i am never done with it. lolz but the g-race is over. thank God.

as for chi hoong, sorry man. i am so so sorry. we all went to see him yesterday. he seems somehow alright to me but i can sense that he is just holding back his tears. same goes for chi weng. i cried though, somehow. didn't manage to stop my tears. can't really help it. too many things had been goin around me for the past few weeks. i can't even think properly now i guess. what am i gonna do? the only thing i could do now is cry.....

why is life so unfair to people? why is like so unfair? some people will get whatever they awnt, while others none. and as for those who have whatever they wanted, they will never appreaciate it not till they lose them. sad huh?

jason, wilson, ngai hou and i was up for an interview just now. it was for the spirit of kl thingy. crap right? and we took crappy pictures as well. hopefully it turns out nice in the papers. we were talking and stuff and i said something very deep. "what is life? it is better to live a short happy life rather than a long and sad life!"

live a happy life people...

goodbye

Goodbye


I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There`s nothing left to say
But goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There`s nothing left to say
But goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way
Than to say
Goodbye

an jing

曲/詞: 周杰倫
Qu/Ci: Zhou Jie Lun
Music/Lyrics: Jay Chou

Translation: ava – www.jay-chou.net

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian
Only the piano accompanies me throughout the day

睡著的大提琴
Shui jiao de da ti qin
The sleeping cello

安靜的舊舊的
An Jing de jiu jiu de
Quiet and so old

我想你已表現的非常明白
Wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei chang ming bai
I think you've made yourself clear

我懂我也知道
Wo dong wo ye zhi dao
I know and I'm sure

你沒有捨不得
Ni mei you she bu de
You don't regret

你說你也會難過我不相信
Ni shuo ni ye hui nan guo wo bu xiang xin
You say you're upset too, that I don't believe

牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
Qian zhe ni pei zhe wo ye zhi shi cheng jin
You being with me was in the past

希望他是真的比我還要愛你
Xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni
I hope he loves you more than I do

我才會逼自己離開
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai
Only then will I bring myself to leave

Chorus

你要我說多難堪
Ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan
You want me to say it, but it is awkward

我根本不想分開
Wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
I don't even want to break up

為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
Wei she me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo
Why must I depend on a smile to tide me through?

我沒有這種天份
Wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
I don't have the ability

包容你也接受他
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
To accept both you and him

不用擔心的太多
Bu yong dan xin de tai duo
Don't worry too much

我會一直好好過
Wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo
I'll still be fine

你已經遠遠離開
Ni yi jin yuan yuan li kai
You've already gone far away

我也會慢慢走開
Wo ye hui man man zou kai
And I will slowly walk away

為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
Wei she me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni
Why is it that I have to accommodate you even when [we] break up?

我真的沒有天份
Wo zhen de mei you tian fen
I really don't have the ability

安靜的沒這麼快
An jing de mei zhe me kuai
Staying silent doesn't come so fast

我會學著放棄你
Wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
I will learn to give you up

是因為我太愛你
Shi ying wei wo tai ai ni
Because I love you so much

Repeat

the moment you leave

The Moment You Leave Me

Oh, oh
You make me believe
You are the one for me it seems
But now I find it's hard
The way you're treating me, it's mean
Cause time after time I keep changing my mind
And I can't get myself over you

The moment you leave me, the moment you're gone
I don't think that I could last another minute
But when we're together, something's so strong
I don't think that we'll ever find a limit
What's going on (what's going on)
What's going on

Each time you're down, I helped you on your feet but then
Just as soon as you're ready to, you left me on my own again
Cause time after time I keep changing my mind
And I can't get myself over you

The moment you leave me, the moment you're gone
I don't think that I could last another minute
But when we're together, something's so strong
I don't think that we'll ever find a limit
What's going on (what's going on)
What's going on

When you lie that you love me
And small promises you couldn't keep
How I tried to believe you but my tears they just cut so deep
And I can't get myself over you

The moment you leave me, the moment you're gone
I don't think that I could last another minute
But when we're together, something's so strong
I don't think that we'll ever find a limit

things has been really weird lately. with too many things happening around me, i don't know where to start. but i got something to say. i feel so sorry for chi hoong. his dad just passed away. chi hoong...hopefully he's alright and hopefully he could make it through...

unbelievable

i can't believe i actually wrote him an e-mail telling him how i feel..... i think i just can't stand it anymore. maybe my friend's right. sometimes, if you do not tell that fella, he would not know. i feel better now though. but i would not know how he would react to it. hopefully it's gonna be fine. pray for me guys!!!

CRAP

crap

this has been my favourite word these days. being a student council member is not easy at all.. there are so much to think about, to worry about and so and forth. and worse part, there will be some people who will not be doin work and start yapping all the way. damn bitch man! example, vice president. she keeps on saying i've joined that before and u know it will not work that way..bla bla bla. hello, prove it. don't just plain talking and explaining without proof. besides that, they were suppose to get done with the spronsership by monday if i'm not wrong but during meeting, we still have idea who are the sponsers. hello, knock knock, we're running out of time if you guys have not noticed! ben was worse. he didn't plan to have a booth at all. i mean, hello, who's gonna go into SSD and start asking about it? no one. sometimes we would need to push it then there will be people joining. we can't just leave it like that!!!!

i am a skeptical person. that's what ngai hou would call me. i think i am. i am bitch too...

stress. exams coming and i am not prepared yet. ain't cool ok.. plus my chem final project is not doing too good... sigh.. how now brown cow? sigh. hopefully God will be kind to me and allow me to do well for my subjects this semester...

sigh...speechless d........